I'm Not Gonna Cry Anymore

1. The Departure

You were the only thread
that bound the button over my heart.
Through the eyes of a child everyday
was an adventure--an unending start.

You would never stay,
like all child dreams--there was an end.
Our TV show in its first season lost syndication,
there were no more friends with time to spend.

Every night I'd show my dedication--
in Pokemon cards scattered across the floor
intermixed with yellowed yearbook pages;
photos of our friendship before.

My grief came in stages--
Eye-fountains cascaded on the letter
I received months prior,
Widdled button-cloth, worn leather.

Nights passed with one prayer:
A hope to hear a phone call or see a letter in the mail.
Days,
Months,
Years aged--
thick underbrush hid our friendship.

You stopped writing letters
so I stopped the endless cycle.
I stopped writing letters
and started writing poetry.


2. The Return

You came back into my life
like an unexpected rainforest downpour--
quenching moisture on parched soil
healed encrusted sores.

Years of scattered visits seemed
to fade like grains of sand
on a relieved ocean wind.

Then it happened.
Your metamorphosis,
the cosmic dawn of sexual orientation.
Your lips touched hers like
silk pressed against flower petals.
Had I missed this much?

Where were you all these years?
Hiding behind stamps and
half recorded Dragon Ball Z episodes.
I was not there for four years of your life,
just a mere fizzled synapse in the farthest
recesses of your memory.


3. Gone Again

I'm happy you're living the life you wanted,
some rendition of that old American Dream.
There've been no letters or phone calls,
but I understand I can't make the
journey you're on.

"I'm not gotta cry anymore,"
because all rivers eventually dry.
Four years was a long gap,
a bridge-less precipice in our lives.

No matter how many friends we meet,
no matter the different paths we take
my friendship will always survive.

I've tried many threads to hold the button on
and build a bridge across that ravine,
and truth be told that I've tried:

You're the string that connected me to the other side.