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About Deviant Eternal-MothraMale/United States Groups :iconthe-temple-of-mothra: The-Temple-Of-Mothra
 
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Deviant for 11 Years
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Newest Deviations

Autumn 2017 Series | Grandma's Apple Orchard by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2017 Series | Grandma's Apple Orchard :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 3 1 Huron's Breath by Eternal-Mothra Huron's Breath :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 7 4 Disempowering Depression by Eternal-Mothra Disempowering Depression :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 0 1 YouTube Banner by Eternal-Mothra YouTube Banner :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 1 0
Literature
Confessions of a Former Emo Kid
(Trigger warning if you have ever suffered depression or suicidal thoughts)
I thought about writing this as a poem, but I didn't care enough to format it in a specific way. So, disjointed prose it is. Tonight I left my body while driving home. Trees blurred past my windows and I became transfixed on the shadows ahead, places my high-beams couldn't reach. Since I couldn't see what those shadows were, I dusted off my rusty childhood imagination and used it. I pretended these shadows were dim-lit white pine forests exhaling after an afternoon rain. This was (and is) a place I have always found in my moments of disconnection. The early-Autumn breeze was my incense, my guide to out-of-body experiences.
I strolled through the mental woods and realized the imprint I left behind as a misunderstood teenager ten years ago. This forest was my solace from decisions like: will he ever date me, should I kill myself, or should I run away? Now that I'm 27 years old, in the forest I worry about more ph
:iconEternal-Mothra:Eternal-Mothra
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Autumn 2016 Series | Falling for Music by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Falling for Music :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 2 2 Autumn 2016 Series | Nostalgia by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Nostalgia :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 2 0 Autumn 2016 Series | Origami Leaves by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Origami Leaves :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 5 0 Autumn 2016 Series | Photosynthetic Flames by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Photosynthetic Flames :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 6 1 Autumn 2016 Series | We Spin When We Fall by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | We Spin When We Fall :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 13 0 Autumn 2016 Series | Tawas Lookout by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Tawas Lookout :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 1 1 Autumn 2016 Series | Distant Titans by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Distant Titans :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 2 0 Autumn 2016 Series | Path to Huron by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | Path to Huron :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 6 0 Autumn 2016 Series | The Winged Canvas by Eternal-Mothra Autumn 2016 Series | The Winged Canvas :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 4 1
Literature
Specters in Rain
Leaves that dance in canopies
leave me strewn across wet sidewalks
as I see images in lamp-lit mist.
A yellow ghost wraps his arms around me,
protects my inner teenage boy
from another disappointment.
I stare into his fog-form,
feel his breath against my face.
He's gonna kiss me; I can feel it, vapor lips.
Some nights I wrap myself in rain,
stand in the middle of storms,
reminisce with my inner 18 year old,
and re-learn romance
through the ghosts he created in stories.
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:iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 1 5
MEIMBY - Hobbit at Heart by Eternal-Mothra MEIMBY - Hobbit at Heart :iconeternal-mothra:Eternal-Mothra 2 2

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Critiques


First of all, I'd love to say that this photo has an astonishing lighting to it. The way the sun rays are pouring through the tree and ...

by Estruda

This is a very beautiful image hunny! The angle in which this photo is taken I think really compliments the tree with the lighting. I c...

Activity


Hello dear reader, whoever you may be. You guessed it, I'm pretty depressed right now. (surprise surprise) Sometimes I think about why I choose to write about depression, only to realize that I feel like my only way to express it judgment-free is by writing about it. The majority of the time, if I talk to friends about it I'm told I'm being "over-dramatic" or "ridiculous." When I put it here, people can choose to read it or not, but at the end of the day I'm still getting it out there; I'm getting it off my chest. My point is, my mental health has been in gradual decline over the past month and all I've been able to do is keep my head above the water, just enough to barely breathe.

This past month (to put it mildly) has been one of the most difficult times of my life, which is scary, because I've had some exorbitantly trying times. On July 20th, exactly a month ago, Chester Bennington, the lead singer of the band Linkin Park, took his life. I was only 2 weeks ago from getting to meet him and the rest of the band as my roommate and I bought meet and greet tickets. I was devastated. One of the people who helped me fight my own battles against depression and suicide lost the battle against the very things he fought. For a long while (and still), his death makes me think "What's the point anyway?" 

Of course, I've fought against those thoughts. But smaller, unexpectedly difficult things have happened lately which have contributed to this steep decline. A few weeks ago, I had my identity criticized and was made to feel stupid for identifying the way I do by some dear people to me. I know they were just trying to understand and didn't mean to, but it was a blunt blow to an already tender wound. Sometimes, my bf's lack of communication serves as a blow to it too, but I try to keep that insecurity in check because I know I'm worth the effort. But still, in the back of my mind throughout all these things I can't help but think, "Maybe I'd be less stressful for people if I wasn't here," or maybe "I wouldn't be much of an enigma if I didn't exist." Of course, I quickly bury those thoughts because that's the thing to do. I have far too many people who depend on me and I wouldn't want to hurt them in anyway.

Tonight, a very small thing happened that nearly sent me over the edge. I burned a pot of tomato soup because I had the temperature on too high.. I essentially ruined dinner for my roommates. I felt horrible but they humorously played it off like I was being "over dramatic." I bit my tongue and just cleaned up/did dishes. That's all I could do. I didn't have the strength to even say anything. I guess people don't realize that sometimes the effects of depression are cumulative. I'm not mad at anyone... I'm just mad at myself I guess.

I just feel a bit lost. I'm sure I'll find myself again. It's a cruel cycle.
  • Listening to: "Somnus" - Final Fantasy XV
  • Drinking: Coffee

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Eternal-Mothra's Profile Picture
Eternal-Mothra
United States
Current Residence: West Branch, Michigan
Favourite genre of music: Celtic, Classical, some Metal
Favourite photographer: Steve, Libby, Sahra, Cyndi
Favourite cartoon character: Butterfree pokemon rocks!, Krillin from DBZ and Gohan, Sailor Moon, Sailor Uranus
Personal Quote: "Life can be good and can be bad, despite the different aspects of it, it is worth living."
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:iconlindseytebaldi:
LindseyTebaldi Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2017  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favorite :dance:
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:iconlukaskullard:
LukaSkullard Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2016
Gift for You Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day! Party 
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:iconraakone:
Raakone Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2016
Happy Birthday!
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:iconfiction-art-author:
Fiction-Art-Author Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2016
Happy Birthday, Buddy. :D

*kiss and hug*
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:iconraakone:
Raakone Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2015
Happy Birthday!
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:iconfiremoon9:
FireMoon9 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday ! Hope you had a great day ! :cake: :dance:
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:iconraakone:
Raakone Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2015
Happy Birthday!
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:iconlinkzilla:
Linkzilla Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2015
Like a Butterfly, you have emerged from a Chrysalis of Hardship, and Adversity, and blossomed as something Beautiful.

Happy Birthday
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:iconspacecowboy91:
SpaceCowboy91 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2015
Happy birthday. :)
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